All of us want to be happier in life. However, if you are a mother of an infant or toddler, what you want in life is not necessarily top priority anymore! Your life is about caring for your little one(s), working, taking care of the home, etc. There is always something to do and it's usually for someone else. As a result, many mothers feel unhappy, exhausted and drained out. They are continuously giving of their time and attention.
After a while it's like trying to pour from an empty cup.
So how do you fill up your cup? Here's a way to rearrange things so that you can be a happier mother.
The theory is that when we invest our time and energy into what's most important to us, we feel more fulfilled. And as a mother who is constantly giving of herself, it's important that you feel fulfilled, so that you can continue to give to your loved ones without feeling drained.
Core values are simply what's most important to you in life. They are what you value very deeply. Investing time and energy in them brings you a huge amount of joy and peace. You find fulfilment in them. Here's a list of typical core values. See if you can find yours. All of these are important, but some will mean more to you than others.
Family relationships
Physical health & fitness
Mental health
Spiritual health
Leisure & fun
Social relationships
Career
Education & knowledge
Write down your top four core values. Now take a look at your typical week. Naturally a large chunk of time would be taken up with working hours. But what about the rest of the time? Write out what you are usually doing from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, for a period of 7 days. For example, wake up, nurse baby, housework/get ready for work, and so on, till you go to bed.
Take a look at how you are spending your time. Is it in accordance with your core values? If physical health is dearly important to you, are you making time to eat right and exercise? If spiritual health is of high importance, are you carving out time to pray or visit your place of worship regularly? If family relationships are most important to you, do you invest enough time talking and interacting with your loved ones? If not, it may be time to make some changes.
Come up with one thing you want to do differently in any of your top core values. Chalk out a plan to work on it. For example, if education and knowledge is one of your topmost values, buy a book that you have been wanting to read and intentionally carve out 10 minutes a day to read. Watch a Ted talk (ted.com) on your topic of choice once a week, or look up additional courses/certification in your field. Some courses are even available online.
If your top value is social relationships, come up with a realistic goal such as calling a friend once a week and having a good chat, or talking to a friend far away through Skype or some other video chat. You could pick out one Saturday or Sunday a month when your husband watches the children and you meet up with your friends.
Most mothers feel they cannot take time out for themselves because there are only 24 hours in a day, and none of those hours are free.
For example, if you usually watch TV after dinner, cut it down by half an hour and use that time to invest in a core value. Let your kids have a half hour of TV time and instead of using that time to tidy the house or do laundry, exercise, read or call a friend.
Keep in mind that change happens when we take small steps. So you need not wait till you have hours of spare time available. You can work towards happiness in small steps starting today.
Once you start investing time in what you value the most, you cup will slowly fill up and you will feel happier.
And happy mothers make happy families!